The love gifted by pain (2)


I jumped at the loud thud.

He was standing still, facing the wall, hands limp at his sides.

“Jayden,” I whispered, moving closer to him, “please don’t.”

“Why?” He asked in a raspy voice.

“I know how it hurts to be some backup plan because that’s what I’ve been my whole life.” I stared at his hand, which seemed to be getting redder, “and I’m tired too.”

“I like you Jayden. I have since the first time I saw you. Life is fucked up and people can be shitbags.” I let go of his hand, “I know your scars, and I know that you hurt, and it’s okay. It’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to scream out loud and you should know that it’s not your fault.”

“Seriously?” He started laughing.

I stare at him dumbfounded.

“You think I’ll buy that?” He shakes his head, “How old do you think I am? Five?!”

“You think I’m lying?” I asked indignantly.

“Oh come on!” He laughs again, “you’re good, I’ll have to hand that to you. You had me confessing didn’t you?”

to be continued…

black xo 


The love gifted by pain

“I saw.”

“Saw what?” He crosses his arms across his chest.

How am I supposed to tell him, that I saw something that wasn’t meant to be seen by others -a secret that he shared only with himself.

I look down at my feet, suddenly being aware of the proximity between us.

I swallow, “The scars on your wrists.”

He doesn’t move, not even an inch. Slowly, I place my hand lightly on his, waiting for him to pull away, but he stays the same.

Instead, he says, “And?”

I shrug, “It’s okay.”

“It’s okay?” he snorts, pulling his hand away. “No it’s not okay, nothing is okay!” He raises his voice.  “If it was okay, I wouldn’t even be doing it.”

“I didn’t-“

He falls onto the bench, head buried in his hands. “I wear long sleeves to cover them up,” his voice shakes, “I can’t imagine anyone finding out. But you did,” he shakes his head, “I couldn’t even do this one thing right, now can I?”

Tears start rolling down my cheeks.

“People think that I’m this tough guy, scaring everyone away, that I never get hurt. But you know why I do all of this, it’s because I’m afraid, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of getting stepped on, afraid of attachments because in the end people always leave and I’m fucking tired of being used.” He yelled, slamming his fist into the wall.

to be continued…

Black xo