Life as I hate it

 

toa-heftiba-183785

Photo by Toa Heftiba

 

Well the thing about anxiety is that it kicks in at the weirdest times. Now, I’m sitting at the office, trying to work on some shit that’s due today, but I just can’t seem to get my mind around it.

I fear that my boss hates me because I called in sick yesterday. So now, I can’t seem to concentrate on what I’m doing and instead, I just wish that the earth would break open and swallow me whole, because of the awkward tension -one that I’m imagining of course.

I really just want to go back home, get under the covers, blast some Mayday Parade and lay still. I’m sleepy, my throat feels weird, my mind’s restless, and I’m really just tired of everything.

I should have known that anxiety (I mean do you even call this anxiety) was going to kick in, I really didn’t want to speak to anyone last night, just wanted to detach from everyone around me, just wanted to escape into the world of fiction. I mean I had to literally drag myself out of bed this morning.

Now it’s only 11 am, with about half a day ahead of me, but to be honest, I would give anything to walk out of this place and go somewhere where no one can find me.

Black xo

Egoistical Myth

“At least if I leave my traces on you mentally, no one would know what I did to you because physically, you would look just fine. As fine as the day I asked you out considering how egoistic you can be. You never let anyone know that you’re hurt and you definitely won’t let anyone know that I was the one that tore you down. That’s why it was so easy for me to leave you. I know you won’t show how my absence affects you. I know you wouldn’t tell anyone what I did to you in fear of what other people might say. I know that I’ve hurt you but no one would know the pain I’ve inflicted on you and that’s okay with me. Because at the end of the day, you’re the one in pain, not me.

While you’re there wallowing in your own ego, I’m here with a brand new lover waiting for me to destroy. But I must say, you were the best I’ve had in terms of destruction. I find joy in destroying you and you find love in my destruction.”

 

blue.